This week, we’re helping you round out your summer reading lists by asking some of our favorite authors to step in as Prudie for the day and give you advice. This is part of our Guest Prudie series.
Today’s columnist is American author and “King of Horror” Stephen King, who is renowned for his horror, supernatural fiction, suspense, crime, science-fiction, and fantasy novels, including It, The Shining, Carrie, and many more. His iconic books and stories have been adapted into numerous films and television series—including The Boogeyman which was released just last month. His new novel, Holly, hits shelves this coming September.
We asked King to weigh in on an endless litany of chores, in-law battles, and swamped librarians:
Dear Prudence,
My husband and I divided labor unfairly and super stressfully after our baby daughter was born, and I couldn’t get through to him. In February, when she was 4 months old, I reached a breaking point. Overwhelmed, I made myself a list of all the things I do to keep the family running and highlighted the things I could live without. As politely as possible, I told my husband if he was interested in them they could be his responsibility: food planning/cooked meals of any kind, maintenance of his family connections, any vacations to visit them, and child care for his weekly sports night with the boys.
This has actually worked well for me: His family is stressful, and whenever they reach out I endlessly say, “My husband is managing that; you should definitely talk to him.” I have a weekly solo night now, and he got a stressful crash course in hiring a babysitter, giving him much more respect for child care. I pretty much buy yogurt, ingredients for sandwiches, and vegetables/fruit, which, even though less delicious, fully eliminates a huge area of time-sucking stress for me. My husband isn’t interested in those foods. I finally have time to go to the gym, and I’ve lost the baby weight and more. We have a clean house and clean laundry, pay the bills, fully arrange day care, care for our daughter at home, and manage doctors, dentists, car maintenance, vet visits, and our lawn and garden.
My husband, though, is adjusting badly. He complains constantly about how much work everything is, and his meal choices seem to be not working out for him. I feel guilty, but I can’t go back to the way it was before. And I’m still doing most of the household work! How do we become a team on this instead of fighting? Our marriage therapist said I needed to “accept that not every relationship is 50/50 and take some tasks off his plate,” which feels like a step backward for me.
—Want to Be a Team
Dear Want to Be a Team,
The good news is that your partner has actually stepped up. You’re not quite as overwhelmed as you were. (One night out a week ain’t the be-all and end-all, but it’s better.) You probably should express that to him. You also should have a good sit-down, listen to his gripes, and be honest about your own. One suggestion: Tell him you’ll take over some of his duties if he’ll take over some of yours, maintaining a balance. Another suggestion: Ask him to take over grocery shopping for a while. Keep talking, but remember: low voices, no shouting.
Pick Up a Copy of King’s Latest
Slate receives a commission when you purchase items using the links on this page. Thank you for your support.
Dear Prudence,
My wife and I reserved a beach house a year in advance for a family vacation that includes our two daughters, our son-in-law, a grandchild, and a boyfriend. This every-other-year beach trip is a tradition my parents started. Six months later, my son-in-law’s parents learned of our trip and asked for the address so they could book a nearby place to spend time with the grandchild. We told them, Sorry, this is our family vacation, and encouraged them to plan their own trip.
The in-laws got very mad, and this ordeal soured a once-good relationship. We like the in-laws, Prudence, but the last thing we want to do on vacation is entertain guests and have an agenda. We also thought the extra guests (mom, dad, and son) would be unfair to our younger daughter, who has no connection with them. Were we in the wrong?
—In-Law Outlaw
Dear In-Law Outlaw,
Asking Prudence this question is like locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen. I could point out to you that your in-laws were actually being careful to tell you they would be getting their own place, which showed at least some desire to keep their distance. Whether or not you were in the wrong—and you may have been a bit insensitive—Prudence believes that the best thing you can do now is to try and mend the relationship by calling or writing to say you value the relationship and are sorry if their feelings were hurt. At that point, the ball is in their court.
Get Even More Advice From the Dear Prudence Podcast
Dear Prudence,
I work as a reference librarian at a public library. Since starting this job, I’ve been shocked to discover how many of my otherwise-conscientious friends and acquaintances feel entitled to pop into my workplace to hang out. It’s one thing when a friend just stops by to say hi; it’s another thing entirely when they expect me to entertain them until they’re ready to leave.
I recognize that, to my friends with work-from-home jobs, I may look like I’m available when I’m not actively working with someone. But when I’m not helping someone, I’m working on projects, preparing reports, and monitoring the floor to ensure that everyone is safe. (Many of our regular patrons are unhoused, have severe mental health conditions, and/or are dealing with addiction. Because of this, awareness of what is happening around me is vital.) How can I politely communicate to everyone that when I’m at work, I need to give my job my undivided attention?
—Not Here to Entertain Friends
Dear Not Here to Entertain Friends,
Let’s get one thing straight: Those people who are bothering you at work (there’s really no other way to put it) are being either impolite or clueless. Work is work, no matter how it may look to them, and you are not rude to say, “Maybe we can talk later. Right now I have to get some work done.” This is called protecting your territory.
—Stephen
When Marc Maron Was Guest Prudie
I’m tired of having the same winter fight with my husband. He doesn’t believe I need to remove the snow accumulation on my SUV’s roof. He believes that’s just for “high visibility vehicles,” aka semis. (I want to know how he thinks a snow brush gets up there, but I digress.) Besides safety and courtesy for cars behind me, I also don’t like taking the risk of having to stop and it all slides down to my windshield.
