Donald Trump and Emmanuel Macron Used Their Handshake to Fight Over Who Has a Bigger Penis

Donald Trump's international tour continues, and of course it remains full of bizarre and dumb moments. First we had Melania's multiple refusals to hold Donald's hand. Then we had the Pope showing his disgust with President Trump. And now? Now we have a good ol'-fashioned dick-measuring contest between Donald Trump and new French president Emmanuel Macron. The two leaders met before the NATO summit in Brussels, and they took the opportunity to use their handshake as a proxy war for the future of democracy and other issues. Issues like balls. Testosterone. Do you even lift, bro? That kind of thing.

Let's start with the pool report. This is via The Washington Post's Philip Rucker:

"The two presidents, each wearing dark suits and blue ties (Trump's was thick and royal blue; Macron's was skinny and navy) sat in antique cream-upholstered arm chairs, with two American and French flags behind them. They shook hands for an extended period of time. Each president gripped the other's hand with considerable intensity, their knuckles turning white and their jaws clenching and faces tightening."

This is so transparently hilarious that it really seems like parody. An exaggeration that gets passed around Twitter, before some comedian has to say that she meant it as a joke and thought it would be obvious that it was satire. Except, of course, it actually happened exactly like this. And the tape doesn't lie.

Trump's history with domineering handshakes had clearly preceded him, and in a show of French force to upend every stereotype imaginable, Macron turned the tables and looked like he was about to break Trump's hand.

Enhance!

Look at that small Trump hand being crushed! Vive la France!

But Trump couldn't leave it alone, and he tried to have payback later at the summit.

Trump looks like he's trying to rip Macron's arm off. At this rate, by tonight one will have Gianforte'd the other while "giving a friendly hug." Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow to find us at war with France over these escalating handshakes...especially if cable news focuses on it tonight.

Now, it should go without saying that macho displays of peacocking and penis measuring are stupid and should have no place in international diplomacy. That said, if it's going to happen, it's nice to see Donald Trump get embarrassed. Even a bit.