Brexit is going to bring change that some of us may find hard to swallow. The price of croissants may go up. It could be more difficult to get hold of proper Greek yoghurt, or German rye bread, and we may have to look further afield for breakfast inspiration – so perhaps Weetabix is to be applauded for getting ahead of the game with the American-inspired serving suggestion currently gracing some of its boxes.
“Benedict’s eggs” is an eggs benedict in which the traditional, and very American “English” muffin is replaced by, wait for it, one of its very British wholegrain breakfast biscuits. You could say it’s taking our country back, one baked good at a time.
Happily, Weetabix is probably a fairly Brexit-proof product, given that it is mostly made of wheat grown within 50 miles of the company’s Northamptonshire mills, so this sounds like a useful thing to keep up one’s sleeve for the moment of departure. After all, nothing cheers you up after a hard Brexit like a hearty breakfast. So, in the interests of being prepared, I decide to give the idea a test-run.
The back of the box is light on detail (sound familiar?), calling simply for two Weetabix, two poached eggs, two slices of ham and two tablespoonfuls of hollandaise sauce, so I use my usual recipe, but decide not to toast the Weetabix, given that it would probably set fire to my house if brought within two metres of a heat source. The results look pretty good on the plate – I’m actually quite excited about tucking in.
And then I do. And then I reach for a large glass of water. There’s a reason Weetabix are traditionally served drowned in milk (indeed, normally, I wouldn’t countenance tucking in until at least half of it had been absorbed, turning the crisp little cakes into a satisfyingly stodgy bog of nostalgic pleasure) – they are quite possibly the driest substance ever to come out of this damp island, and no amount of viscous egg yolk, or rich, thick hollandaise is going to change that. I nearly choke.
The dog, overjoyed to get the leftovers (ie, the abandoned Weetabix) coughs crumbs all over the floor. This, it turns out, is a great way to cut down on carbs, because there is no way anyone is getting through two of these without a large amount of money resting on it.
Frankly, I don’t think the idea was ever going to work, and the company’s shamefaced admission on Twitter that it may have got “a ‘little’ enthusiastic at that brainstorm” suggests it knows it.
Whatever next, Bran Flake bagels? Crunchy Nut croissants? Come on, Britain, we can get through this mess together – one fry-up at a time.
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